So I finally made it to the labor and delivery room, ready to go.  I will just say this very quickly – it took me three hours to get to 10 cm, and it took two hours to push.  I’ve received a lot of questions about natural delivery, so I think now’s a good time to sidetrack and talk about my experience “going natural”!

I want to make a quick caveat – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting an epidural or any other medication.  Most women get them nowadays and there a lot of healthy moms and babies out there!  Our decision to have the baby naturally was one based on our own convictions and my own assessment of my own body – I knew I could do it, and I felt that if it was possible for me to give my baby the absolute healthiest and most risk-free option, then I ought to do it.  And I will say that that was what kept me going – even when it would have seemed “easy” to get medication, when I reminded myself that I was doing this for the baby, not for myself, I had the strength to keep going.

In short, it was a GREAT experience and I plan on doing it again for all my babies.  There are a lot of reasons for this, but a huge one was just the sense of control I felt over the situation.  I know that it seems that being bombarded with pain would make you feel out of control, but the fact that I had prepared for the pain and that I was expecting it and ready to face it head on rather than trying to get rid of it gave me a huge measure of confidence and a sense of control over the situation.  Also, I felt very in tune with my body – I was able to monitor my own progress, I knew myself when it was time to push, and I had more control over the pushing.  But the biggest pay off came after the birth, when I had complete charge of all my own faculties – both mental and physical.

Secondly, the pain was quite manageable.    There was a short window of about 30-45 minutes (the transition period) that I began to feel that I just couldn’t go on, that I couldn’t handle another contraction.  The upswing of this time period was that I was prepared enough to know that when that transition period hit, it was going to be the hardest of all – but that it would be very short and that when I began to feel those emotions, I would be ready to push very soon.  Thus I was able to hang in there.  The only tough thing was that when I began to go through transition, no one was able to verify for me that I truly was – so I began to have a doubt in my mind that perhaps I wasn’t in transition and this was just going to go on forever.  When my Mom and the nurse said “you’re probably going through transition, we’ll see” – that’s when I began to panic just a smidgen when I thought “if this isn’t transition, I don’t want to know what is!!!”

Last of all, without medication I was able to dig deep for other things to rely on.  First, I hung onto Andy for dear life.  The sweet guy almost never left my side – except for a quick moment that he started to faint because he hadn’t had a thing to eat or drink in hours and hours!  He was an awesome coach.  My Mom was also incredible – I turned to her for advice and for help with breathing and pushing and positioning and just trusted in her experience.  Finally, I dug down deep and laid bare everything before God, clinging to him for my strength to do this for my baby.  I knew that with him, I could do it.

In the end, I had a calm labor.  I didn’t want the tv, I didn’t want music.  All I wanted was to focus.  I could hear Ida’s heartbeat the whole time, and that also gave me a lot of peace and strength.  The nurses were surprised at how quiet I was.  It’s not that I was never tempted to flip out.  But when those moments came and I wanted to just wig out, all that I could think was how far it would set me back.  A moment of indulgence in panic or screaming would only tense my muscles, fight the contractions and hurt my psyche – so I hung in there.

To prepare for labor, I employed the Bradley Method.  I wasn’t able to take a full class (although it would have been awesome), but I relied on their website and on the book by Susan McCutcheon, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.  It was a great resource to learn a lot about labor, to learn techniques, and to refer to for practice.  I highly recommend it if you’re hoping to go natural.  The other thing I recommend is to say that you WILL go natural.  If you tell yourself that you’ll see how it goes, that you might get the medicine if it gets too rough, you’re likely to get it.  Decide if you want to commit to it, and if you do, hang in there!  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it!!!

The hardest part for me, in the end, was pushing for two hours.  A lot of this was due to my own expectations.  All that I had really prepared for was the laboring – I expected that to be the toughest part.  My Mom pushed all six of her babies out in ten minutes or less, sometimes in only one push, and especially as I watched my labor going exactly as all of hers had, I really expected that that would be how my pushing would go as well.  I was excited when the time came to push because I thought “yay!!!  it’ll all be over soon!!!”

Nope.  There came a moment in those two hours of trying various positions and agonizing that I began to doubt that I would ever have a baby!  I lost focus and I doubted my own ability to do all of this.  In this time, my doctor was incredible.  He really helped me work on my pushing, he was so calm, he assured me that I would be able to deliver vaginally, and he was just patient and relaxed.  He didn’t make me any false promises or any ultimatums on length of pushing.  It is because of my pushing experience that I am hugely thankful I went naturally – I could have been pushing for much much longer or ended up with a c-section if I hadn’t been going natural.

At almost 4:30, I hit the two-hour pushing mark.  My doctor then laid out my options.  He said I could continue pushing as long as I wanted, I could get an epidural and take a break for a while, or he could help out with a vacuum extractor.

I really appreciated his attitude through this.  I’ve heard lots of stories of mandatory c-sections after a set period of time, but my doctor didn’t even consider that option and was completely comfortable with letting me keep pushing if I wanted.  He explained that he was just giving me these options because after two hours, the woman can get so tired that her pushing becomes less and less effective, and he wanted me to know what the possibilities were.

Well, I turned down the epidural, as he expected me to.  Then came the most agonizing decision that I made – to keep going or to work with the vacuum?

In the end, I chose a vacuum assist.  I felt very guilty about this at first, as I felt it wasn’t completely “natural”.  But I’m glad I made that decision.  First of all, my doctor only used the vacuum to hold the baby in place as I pushed her myself down the birth canal – not to actually pull her out.  The reason pushing was taking so long was because she was stuck behind my pubic bone and he just used the vacuum to keep her from sliding back after each push.  Secondly, I was losing faith fast.  I was losing the end goal.  But after I agreed to the vacuum assist, suddenly everything changed – the room was flooded with nurses, things came out of the ceiling, the baby warmer was ready to go, and suddenly I was renewed with confidence.

This fantastic nurse joined the room at this point, and as they got the vacuum ready, she helped me work on my pushing.  She was awesome, and I regret that she wasn’t there the whole time as I pushed more effectively than ever under her guidance.  It was especially helpful because I felt that I was really doing most of the work getting the baby out even after they added the vacuum, and after the whole experience, I feel more prepared to push for my future babies.

Ida was born at 4:37 pm – about ten minutes after they began prepping the vacuum.

I cannot describe to you how fantastic that final push felt.  The relief, the joy, the accomplishment – it was wonderful.  And this was the best part of the whole natural birthing process – my baby was incredibly alert.  Her huge, bright eyes were wide open, and she was looking up at me when they tucked her into my chest.  She remained alert for about three hours.  She was so calm – they had to work pretty hard to get her to cry!  But she was definitely not sluggish – she was taking in the world and very shortly began rooting and sucking her fists and getting ready to eat.  I also felt so wonderful – no effects from any medications, just me and my baby.

Ida was in great shape.  Her cord was wrapped around her neck and her shoulder got stuck on the way out, but the doctor handled it seamlessly and I didn’t even know any of that was happening.  She had a little bit of wet lung and had to be given oxygen, but otherwise was the healthiest, perkiest little newborn that there ever was.

After I was stitched up (her shoulder tore me) and we were both cleaned up, we were left alone with just a nurse to help with breastfeeding.  After helping me out with that for a bit she left too and we just had an hour or two to enjoy the baby.  My Mom and Dad and sister were all there, and we just reveled in baby’s sweetness and big bright eyes.

A few hours later, and we were settled into our recovery room and all alone again.  It was the oddest feeling – me, Andy, and baby – three.  We couldn’t take our eyes off of her!  I finally went to sleep around 5 am, after a wonderful evening that was only disrupted by a near faint on my first trip to the bathroom.  I ended up surrounded by nurses that appeared from nowhere waving ammonia under my nose and being cradled by the nurse that had been assisting me.  It was a bit obnoxious because I couldn’t take a shower that night or go to the bathroom by myself after that.  We also had a bit of trouble nursing and ended up giving baby a pacifier after she finally decided to exercise her lungs.  But really, all I did for the next two days in the hospital was just stare at my baby!

And that’s it.  Sunday afternoon we brought her home, and the birth was over!!!

I am sorry for the delay in posting part two!  It’s been partially written for several days but I never had the time to write the last couple of paragraphs!  Sorry for the rough writing style, it’s just going up as is!

So, I woke up at 4:20 am.  Another early morning, another round of contractions.  But this time it was different, I could tell!  The contractions started out at 10-15 minutes apart and over the course of about three hours progressed to a steady 6-8 minute pattern.

Andy and I settled in for labor.  I had all kinds of plans for my early labor – a walk, a warm shower, some light snacks, some tv to pass the time.  I had created multiple ipod playlists for relaxation, for distraction, for fun.  I thought that all this seemed reasonable.  However, I can say that absolutely nothing soothed me my entire labor but reclining or lying down and focusing on relaxing my muscles.  I tried to eat a piece of dry toast – it came back up.  I tried to go to the bathroom and wash my face, etc… ended up back in my comfy bedroom chair.  I finally toddled downstairs – hanging onto Andy for dear life – at 8:30 to try to watch an episode of Friends… we couldn’t find it online and I got frantic after about five minutes and headed back upstairs to lie down.  Why?  I’m not sure why I was so immobile.  My contractions were hard, my stomach was sick (I’ll admit it, after that piece of toast, I couldn’t stop throwing up all morning… hey, you wanted the real story, right???), and my mind just wanted to focus on relaxing.

Despite not wanting/being able to do absolutely anything, the morning actually passed quickly and in a giant blur.  I believe it actually was a pretty easy early labor, given how intense it was – at 10:00 am I was lying in bed with Andy, and I was actually dozing off between contractions.  That’s not to say it wasn’t hard – just that I was able to truly rest between contractions and be patient.

Finally, my Mom poked her head in to discuss my progress with Andy.  The doctors had adamantly told us not to go to the hospital until my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, but mine were still steadily 6-8 minutes and had been for about three hours with no change.  Also, I was waiting for that moment that I couldn’t smile and I couldn’t do anything but focus on my contractions, and here I was dozing.  I thought heading to the hospital might be a ways off, but Andy and Mom decided it was best to call the doctor and check in.  The doctor said that having contractions at that interval for so long probably indicated more progress than we thought and suggested heading to the hospital.

Next thing I knew, I was wobbling my way down the stairs, clutching an old towel (I told you, the throwing up thing, it was not cool).  My family met me at the bottom of the stairs, my younger brother and sister almost in tears (I assume of both nervousness and happiness, I’m not really sure…).  My Mom was saying that she’d come along later and I insisted that I wanted, no needed, her now!!!  Thankfully she had no objection!

When we arrived at the hospital, I refused a wheelchair and insisted on schluffing my way up to the maternity floor on my own.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was terrified of appearing to be a wimp!

At the maternity ward check in, the nurses eyed my slightly green face suspiciously and pushed a bucket in my direction while they whispered among themselves that I really seemed a bit too calm to be in very active labor.  Andy got frustrated with their doubt over the reality of my labor while I stood back and just tried to hang in there until I could finally lay down somewhere.  After what seemed like an eternity of questions and papers, a nurse finally waved us down the hall and half heartedly offered me a wheelchair.  Her obvious doubt that I truly needed it made ME doubt that I really needed it, and so I wobbled and weaved toward the triage room on my own while Andy clucked in disapproval.

The triage nurses were a bit too chipper for my state and the exam seemed to take ages and ages… and ages.  They were just as dubious as the others that my labor was too far progressed, and again the round of necessary questions and information seemed to take an absolute eternity.  Andy and Mom stood around anxiously while I tried to block out the world and refused to answer any questions during contractions.  After I was hooked up to the monitors for a while, the nurse finally said, “Well, you are contracting frequently enough that they MIGHT let you stay.”  I just stared up at her, thinking that if this wasn’t active labor then I truly did not want to know what was!

A couple of minutes later, the nurse finally did my internal exam.  Her head snapped up and she said “Dang, girl!  You’re already seven centimeters!”  I felt validated but to be honest, I was just relieved to be taken seriously because it meant I could finally get settled in somewhere!!!  This time, I asked if they could just wheel my bed to the labor and delivery room because I was not going to try walking again!

The nurse said they could give me my epidural now if I wanted it, but I said I didn’t want it – I had always planned to have a natural delivery, and Andy was supportive.  The nurse just said, “All right!” and I was so relieved to find that this was the only time I had to say anything to anyone about this decision.  All through my labor and delivery, the nurses communicated to each other and to any other staff that came into contact with me that I was going natural before they even entered the room so that I did not have any pressure, any confusions, or anyone offering me anything at all.  I felt so supported in the decision and it was a relief to be able to just focus on labor and not have to keep re-making the decision!  My nurses also were able to tell me what to expect with a natural childbirth, rather than lumping me in with epidural deliveries.  It was the best environment I can imagine for having a natural childbirth!

One more part to come!!!

Ida is one month old – two days ago!  And she seemed rather happy about it:

I can’t believe how time has flown.  It’s time to begin that birth story I’ve been promising people!  I’m sorry, but I love rehearsing it in my mind, so it will be pretty detailed.  So here we go with part one:

Ida was due on Monday, August 29.  I left the doctor that day encouraged to hear that I had dilated to 2 cm and was 50% effaced.  The doctor was rather sure that Baby would come soon, partially due to my frequent and intensifying contractions, which were getting strong enough to wake me at night and take my breath away.

I, however, had begun to exist in some kind of surreal state in which everything seemed like a dream and I had started to doubt that I was ever really going to hold a baby.  I was going to be pregnant… forever… and ever.  A severe lack of sleep and appetite didn’t help my delirium, and I schluffed through each day, one at a time.

Thursday, September 1, I woke up at 6:20 with new contractions, painful contractions.  They kicked in at about 8 minutes apart.  Andy and I kept an eye on them for a while and he eventually decided to go into school, prep lesson plans and set up subs for the next couple of days, and then come home by lunchtime.  I called my Mom, who immediately began getting the family ready to drive out, with the assumption that I would be at the hospital by the time they arrived.

Fast forward to about 3 pm, and contractions had ground to a disturbing almost-halt (I was having them about once an hour).  I had to call my family who was halfway to Cincinnati to tell them that I was no longer in real labor, and I had a disappointed husband on my hands who had been convinced that Today Was The Day.  Crushed and consumed by hormones, I ran out of the house in a moment of insane irrationality and drove away.  I made it to the library about five blocks away, where I sobbed my heart out – partially because I was confused and tired and sad, but also because I couldn’t remember the way to the soft service ice cream shop.

After my tear ducts were completely dehydrated and I gave up on the ice cream, I managed to drive home to my panicked husband who was convinced that his pregnant wife had gone nuts.  So, I let Andy take me to dinner at Panera and shopping for some post-maternity clothes.  My family tiptoed into the house that evening careful not to disturb Momzilla, and my Mom assuaged the mood swings with my favorite treat – a pumpkin cream cheese muffin from the orchard at home.  I finally dragged myself to bed, still confused, but much more at peace.

Just a few hours later at 4:20 am, however, I woke up once again with the real contractions.  And this time, I knew for sure that the time had come.

to be continued!  :)

Miss Ida Constance, born September 2, 2011.

Her birth story and photos will come soon.  I decided to take a blogging break while so I could cuddle and nurse and rock without distraction, and I hope you all forgive me.  But while you’re waiting for the birth details, here’s our four week old baby!

She’s just perfect, with her tiny fingers…

…and her tiny toes…

…and a soft, full head of hair…

…and the prettiest eyes any baby ever head, eyes that just want to take in the world.

So sweet, so lovely.

Yes, you read that right.  I am forty weeks today!  And no sign of baby.

Well, there are lots and lots of signs of her.  She wiggles and moves and my lumpy presence on the couch with a squirming belly is hard to miss.  And her little things are everywhere – in my packed bag, her bassinet set up next to our bed, her little nursery.

I think my insane nesting instinct faded with the completion of all baby’s needs as well as getting settled into our house.  But now, I am on a constant round of “If we’re going to do it, let’s do it this very second” because there might not be a tomorrow to do it in.  My number one obsession?  Keeping the kitchen clean.  Boy, that bottle of degreaser comes out way more than necessary.  My sister found me one day with a magic kitchen eraser, scrubbing our ancient stove while panting and puffing and occasionally sagging from a contraction.  She hovered and begged me to stop and reported me to Andy when he came home; but it made me feel better!

Although I won’t lie.  My “Let’s Do It Right Now” complex extends to a sudden round of food cravings, one of which turned out to be a gigantic Graeter’s banana split sundae.  I felt mildly embarrassed to be fulfilling the stereotype of the extremely pregnant woman, shoveling down a gigantic quantity of fudge covered sugar.  Yum.

Besides staying on top of all the chores and vaguely on top of dinner options (I hope the baby comes in the next few days, because the bathrooms are all freshly cleaned and I don’t want to have to do it again before she comes…) my brain has officially checked out.  I’m in a waiting game.  Not because I’m impatient, or frantic, or even particularly nervous – it’s just that I haven’t got much in me anymore and what’s there I am conserving for labor.  So I just sort of chill, enjoying the days passing one to another and quite convinced that she’s going to have a late checkout.  I have no doubt that there will be a Forty One Weeks post.